If he’s the one with the problem, why do I need counseling? This is the question often asked by spouses/partners after discovering their husband is using pornography or has cheated on them. It is a valid question with a valid answer.
Most spouses have suffered greatly because of their husband’s addictive behavior. They have become angry, critical, are often depressed, indulge in emotional eating, or under-eating, over exercising, and some turn on themselves wondering what they could have done to have kept him interested.
Even for those who know that they are not at fault, there is still the collateral damage of having been lied to, the broken trust, the compensating ways, the attempts at fixing him, judging him, etc. Symbolically he has shot you with an UZI over and over and over. Even if you are able to function, you still have bullets lodged in you emotionally that need to be dealt with. (Doug Weiss AASAT.org). What you are feeling is real, but is it beneficial to you.
Partner recovery therapy is a safe place to work through the various emotions, the emotional shut down, the anger, and the self-sabotaging patterns that often afflict those affected by infidelity and sex addiction. It helps you get back to being you, the wife, friend, or the mom you want your children to remember.
Ashes to Beauty Counseling, 2017
Even if you were emotionally healthy when you said, “I do”, being married to an intimacy anorexic can leave you emotionally, spiritually, and sexually devastated. The person who vowed to love and cherish you has abandoned his promise and intentionally causes you pain to avoid intimacy.
Married and Alone group will give you insight, tools, and strategies to combat the pain and distancing in your marriage. You will
- learn the causes of intimacy anorexia
- learn what reactive intimacy anorexia is and if you may have it
- learn to identify the behavior the intimacy anorexic uses to control you
- learn how you may be medicating your pain
- learn what to do with your anger, depression, anxiety, and feelings of being unloved
- connect with others who can understand what you are going through
- understand why you are powerlessness to fix him.
The healing process is so much easier when you have the support of others who hold you accountable.
The cost is $85 for the recovery workbook materials and $20 per session billed monthly.
Prescreening is required. Sign up now to be included on the list! Space is limited to 8 participants.
Today I want to introduce a term to you that you may not have heard before but once I define it I think it will describe someone you know, or maybe even yourself. It is intimacy anorexia. Most of you are familiar with the term anorexic…people, often women, who starve themselves of nutrition. And you know intimacy means closeness or connection. An intimacy anorexic starves his or her spouse of intimacy and connection. The anorexic actively withholds emotionally, spiritually, and sexually from their spouse to intentionally cause pain and create distance in the marriage so he or she doesn’t have to open their hearts to their partner. They fear connection.
But here is the most intriguing part. The anorexic is usually seen as normal and nice outside the home, but once they get home they shut down. This frequently goes on for years…living in an emotionless and often times sexless marriage. The spouse feels the unbearable pain of being unloved, criticized, blamed, and alone. It is heartbreaking. But it isn’t hopeless.
I get really excited about this. It is my passion! I work with both the anorexic and the spouse to teach them how to overcome this addictive pattern and bring love and connection into their marriage.
If this sounds like your marriage and you are willing to do the work, you can learn to connect in ways you never have. Sign up today for an appointment.
Take the intimacy anorexia test here to see if you or your spouse meet the criteria. If you do, contact me to begin the healing process.